At a press conference earlier today 911 has made it clear they are demanding Redding change the name of the Diestelhorst Bridge. 911 call taker and local curmudgeon Terrence McCanders explains: “Every single time we take a call about that darn bridge, we have to remember how to spell it! Does the I come before or after the E? Is the E before or after the L? Precious seconds wasted every time!”
According to 911, it will now be called the Bob Bridge. “Everyone can spell Bob,” McCanders shouted during the press conference. “B-O-B. Bob. No silent vowels or any other Communism! Just Bob. Bob Bridge. When you’re going for a walk across the Sacramento River, you’re walking on Bob Bridge. When you call in some coked up homeless man dancing naked on the bridge next to Court Street, he’s dancing on Bob Bridge!”
While no further name changes are planned, McCanders was quick to point out Tsasdi Resort in Shasta Lake is officially on notice.