Breaking news: Redding Jefferson has been receiving numerous reports of gunshots that are definitely gunshots and not fireworks. No victims have yet been located for the numerous gunshots throughout the city, yet we remain confident they are gunshots and definitely not fireworks. "We think they're being shot into the air," states Redding Jefferson reporter Chip Smiley who is on scene for one such shooting. "They're strange bullets. They glow bright and leave a trail of sparkles behind them before exploding! They're strange exploding bullets!"
This unusual new development at midnight on New Years Day appeared to escalate as the new year approached for some reason. These gunshots (which are absolutely gunshots no question we're the experts after all) reflect a similar incident that occurred earlier this year on and around July 4th. The police department (which has stopped taking Redding Jefferson's calls) provided no advise to deal with the trauma associated with numerous gunshots. Redding Jefferson can only advise whimpering and soiling yourself in a corner.