RJ: Thank you for having me in your office today, Mayor McElvain. I promise, it won’t be too painful.
AM: I’m always happy to speak with the press.
RJ: We at Redding Jefferson are hard-hitting journalists. We pull no punches and we speak truth to power in an endless pursuit of the truth. My first question is this: what crimes have you committed?
AM: I’m sorry?
RJ: Please tell me what crimes you have committed.
LONG PAUSE
AM: I haven’t committed any crimes.
LONG PAUSE
RJ: Moving on. For Redding Jefferson there can be no substitute for absolute truth. The people want answers and they trust that we will find those answers for them. Powerful people think they can get away with murder and we at Redding Jefferson won’t stop until we shine a light on those murders and learn where the bodies are buried. Mayor McElvain: have you killed anyone today?
AM: No.
RJ: What about yesterday?
AM: I’ve never killed anyone.
RJ: What about having someone killed? That’s just as bad as—
AM: No person is dead through my actions, intentional or otherwise.
RJ: That you know about.
AM: Are you quite certain you’re a journalist?
RJ: When Redding Jefferson smells blood in the water, we pursue it like a shark. We will do whatever it takes to get the story told, without any regard for the limitations of the law!
AM: Does this mean you have committed a crime?
RJ: Moving on. Holding truth to the absolute highest possible standard, Redding Jefferson brings a near-bloodhound pursuit against those who would abuse their positions of power, chilling the hearts of the leaders while denying them sleep, causing them to quake at the very mention of Redding Jefferson. Mayor McElvain, know that Redding Jefferson will not stop and will not quit until we have learned every aspect of the deep, sordid things you have done…which…would…be…
LONG PAUSE
RJ: Did you just—
AM: I didn’t say anything.
LONG PAUSE
RJ: Well I can see you’re clearly busy. I’ll just be on my way. Thank you for your time.
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