Family Buried Alive Under Sea of Fries

Everyone knows not to order a large serving of fries at Five Guys, but apparently the Parson family didn’t get the memo. Witnesses say they initially considered ordering a couple small fries (despite assurances one serving would be plenty) but then after some consideration decided to order a large serving of french fries. Pandemonium ensued. As patrons ran screaming for the door, the confused Parson family looked around nervously.

“That’s when the wave hit them,” states french fry serving expert and local curmudgeon Terrence McCanders. “What’s the first thing you learn when you get hair on your chest: never order the large fries at Five Guys! That poor family never saw it coming.”

Emergency personnel are working day and night trying to excavate the family being kept alive by ice melt from the soda machine and, well, french fries. “At least they won’t starve to death,” McCanders added.


Approximately 27 hours after being buried by the large serving, officials are calling off the rescue effort. “There was some hope we could burrow through the fries with an excavator but the thing just kept overheating. Others thought a conjoined effort of digging on our end and eating on theirs might help us meet in the middle, but in the end we had to abandon all hope. There’s just too many fries.”