Entire City of Redding Forgets How to Drive

Suddenly, for no reason at all, the city of Redding was thrown into cataclysmic chaos earlier today when the entire town unilaterally forgot how to drive. “I was fine yesterday,” says historian Orville Bumpass. “I was starting, stopping, merging; now, I don’t even know how to start the car anymore! What’s happening to me!?”

Cars are piled up on Interstate 5, some shouting, “How do brakes work!? What’s a turn signal!? When do I start, when do I stop?! What are all these lines in the road, we don’t know!” A city plunged into anarchy, it’s survival of the fittest for most. Wailing and gnashing their teeth, few Reddingites are optimistic. “This town could barely keep it together on a good day,” claims human nature psychologist and local curmudgeon Terrence McCanders, “today we can’t drive, tomorrow we’ll be eatin’ the younglins! Also what’s a clutch fer again?”

Some believe it has something to do with the strange moisture descending from the sky, but we at Redding Jefferson remain incredulous. Stay with us as we guide you through these trying times. Meanwhile, a memorial will be held for Marvin Tannenbaum next week. His cat is still at large.