Overflow Warning Customized For Its One Recurring Victim

After pulling Robert Satchel from the Whiskeytown overflow drain for the fifth time this week, Cal Fire and Whiskeytown dispatch have updated the warning in the hopes it will deter all potential victim from swimming into it. “It’s really not fair to lump all of civilization smart enough to avoid it just because one idiot can’t seem to keep himself out,” states Whiskeytown representative Christopher Helm. “This is gonna save a lotta life.”

Redding Jefferson reached out to Robert Satchel who declined to comment, though his elderly mother told us, “It really is the only option left aside from leaving him in there which I’m not opposed to. I’m retired. I’d like my garage back.”