Burney Falls has been open to photos like this in the past but lately has been demanding more and more of tourists, upset that they take a picture of the waterfall but never tip it afterward.
In a press release from the world-famous waterfall, Burney Falls will be demanding royalty payments for each photograph starting in 2020. “It’s the only way I can protect the integrity of my image,” states the press release. “I have to protect my brand. I am the eighth wonder of the world according to none other than Teddy Roosevelt and I expect to be compensated accordingly.”
“It’s been all downhill since Teddy said that.” State Park operator Stanley Candish was fond the waterfall in its early days, but acknowledges it has become something of a prima donna since it entered its golden years. “It used to be friendly, approachable, even relatable in a way but lately the waterfall has been hostile to visitors who just want to look and takes its picture. It’s not about the money. Burney Falls is just becoming antisocial.”
Potem Creek Falls has not been without its own controversy. Drug use by the waterfall led to an infamous Twitter rant that left it banned by the social media giant for ten days.
Nearby Potem Creek Falls hopes to capitalize on Burney Falls’s recent conflict with its tourists. “I’m free,” it stated in a follow-up press release. “I don’t charge royalties, no park entrance fees, and you can swim in my pool. I call that the waterfall trifecta!”
Potem Creek Falls is harder to get to, smaller, and has fewer amenities, but has managed to carve out a name for itself despite some bad press a few years ago when it used racially charged language to slight Burney Falls in an interview with Channel 7’s Julia Avery. Potem Creek maintains it was “keepin’ it real.”
“Everyone suffers when waterfalls get an ego,” Candish tells Redding Jefferson. “They should be beautiful, noble works of God’s art but instead, well, this happens.” From a recently arrived fax machine he displayed a hastily scrawled message reading “Waterfalls 4evah! Lake Britton sux!” Candish shook his head with his eyes closed. “Burney Falls has been sending these all morning. Poor Lake Britton’s the real victim here. It’s trying to leave, but it’s just too attached to Burney Falls.”
Meanwhile, Shasta County officials are in talks with Subway Caves to ensure safe release of seventeen tourists being held hostage by the caves stating, “We’ll let people come in for free, but if they wanna get out, it’ll cost ‘em.”