Half Shasta High Class of ‘98 Reunion Attendees Already Pregnant

“It’s like prom night all over again,” moans one attendee of the class of ‘98 Shasta High School reunion who wishes to remain anonymous. Less than a month later, numerous attendees are reportedly pregnant and scientists are baffled. “My husband had a vasectomy seven years ago,” reports another pregnant attendee who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “And before you ask, yes, I am faithful.” 

“I haven’t had sex in years,” reports another woman who asked Redding Jefferson to withhold her name from the story. “I mean, you gotta have sex to get pregnant. When has a pregnancy happened without sex except that one time?”

Chasing down the cause of these sudden and unexpected pregnancies, Redding Jefferson has only been able to determine the scope: over half the attendees are pregnant, affecting both women and, somehow, men. “This can’t be happening,” wails one man who asked to have his name excluded. “No, really: this can’t happen. It’s not physically possible.”

Authorities are currently aware of the situation, with one representative telling Redding Jefferson he’s familiar with the phenomenon. “It just sorta happens,” he stated with a shrug. “Get a bunch of Shasta High School people together in the same room and, well, nature takes its course.”