“Wooden Animals have Rights Too!”

Protesters gathered outside the Black Bear Diner yesterday to speak out for those that couldn’t speak for themselves. PETWA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Wooden Animals) carried signs and threw blood on patrons to protest the cruel actions performed on carved, wooden bear sculptures. “Every day in America someone is slicing them, burning them!” shouted one activist with a megaphone. “It’s like they’re being carved up!”

When asked if it was hypocritical to throw animal blood in protest, managing protester and local curmudgeon Terrence McCanders said, “Heck no, we love killing real animals. Slice ‘em, dice ‘em, serve ‘em on a platter. We’re just protesting the abuse of wooden animals. That’s what PETWA is all about!”

For more information on PETWA and how to join the cause, contact Terrance McCanders on his front porch. He’ll be the one with the cane.