Millennial Carjacker Baffled by New Anti-Theft Device

Millennial ruffian Randal Klugman ran into some trouble earlier today when attempting to steal a 2004 Civic with a mysterious anti-theft device he’d never seen before. Speaking from the jail, he told Redding Jefferson of the strange third pedal beside the brake which thoroughly befuddled him.

“At first I couldn’t turn it on,” says Klugman. “I had the keys and everything, but the car wouldn’t start until I pushed down in the third pedal. It must be a kill switch. I pushed it, turned the key, and the car started, but when I let off the kill pedal, the car lurched and shut off again! It made no sense!”

Klugman fought with the kill switch for some time before determining to keep the pedal pushed in. “But then the car wouldn’t move. The engine just revved and revved and revved. And that’s not even the worst part. The car had some kind of combination knob.”

Where the gear lever should’ve been, Klugman found an enigmatic device with the numbers one through five and the letter “R” on it. “Obviously ‘R’ is ‘reset’ and the numbers must correspond with some series of numbers like a combination lock. But I don’t know how many numbers or what order! Is it three? Four? Ten?!”

Klugman was eventually found trying various combinations of numbers when the police arrived and arrested him. Shaking his head in his jail cell he added, “That anti-theft device was too smart for me.”